Obedience (August 2008)

I am so God's problem child.

Not in the sense that I am overly rebellious...no, I tend to have a hard time being obedient and doing what I know God wants me to do. I, being the control freak that I am, want to do things my way. This is an uphill battle for me. Often, I feel like saying, "But I don't wannu!", even when I hear him LOUD AND CLEAR.

I have been struggling with whether or not I should go coach volleyball, at all, in any way. This includes just coaching part-time, or helping teams out. I love volleyball, I am so passionate about the sport. I find great joy in seeing girls improve their game and skills, knowing I had some part in doing that. There is just one problem with me coaching...it consumes me. I lose sleep at night and my thoughts are taken over by which drills to run, how to improve someone's serve or swing, or which offense the team should run. Everything else becomes trivial and is put second. There is an obvious problem with that. God and my family come first, and somehow they don't when I am consumed by things like coaching volleyball.

I know what the answer is- stay away from coaching volleyball right now, period. But I still try to find loopholes thinking maybe I will outsmart the Omniscient God of this world. Maybe I can just, this once, go help someone out with practice. I'll go and "just have fun." Yeah. Right. And when things go sour, and I leave the gym upset about something that went wrong, I really can't be angry at anyone. It is just God putting His foot down and saying, "LISTEN TO ME! BE OBEDIENT!" When you step outside of God's will, He will surely let you know. Things will NOT work out for you.

No. It is not the right time or season to do this. I should be proud of being a stay at home mommy for the short time that they need me., instead of trying to play multiple roles. Pretty soon, they won't need me to help them open things, put their clothes on, or sing them to sleep. They won't be as dependant on me as they are now. They need me more than they ever will now. And I must first do the job that God initially created me for - to be a Mommy. I know in my heart that God has called me to teach and coach....being patient and waiting for that right timing is key though. Me, being the person who wants it right here and right now, struggles with that. Yet, I keep hearing God tell me, "you will get your teams...you will have your time to play that role....just not yet."

Even still, there is great peace in being obedient to God, being patient, and putting the control back in His hands, even if you are a control freak, Type A, freaker-outer like I am. All of a sudden, you can breathe again. A huge weight is lifted off of you, and you can see the important things in life again. I need to focus my attention on my children, on God, and my husband. I need to learn how to not be so consumed by things before I take on other roles in life.


2 Corinthians 7:15 - And his affection for you is all the greater when he remembers that you were all obedient, receiving him with fear and trembling.