Testing my Faith

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4

Our little family is going through a real test of our faith right now.  My youngest daughter is having brain surgery in a couple of weeks for intractable seizures, and this desert period is really teaching both me and my husband some very valuable lessons about our faith and what we believe.  
You see, it's very easy to say "Yes there is a God" when things are going great and life is just peachy.
But when we are faced with trials and the decision to fully offer our trust to Him, well, that's not so easy.  Our "logical" thinking wants to quickly put our trust in what is seen to our eye, like the doctors, or equipment, or medicine.  I am learning that we have to have these trials in order to define our faith and test our allegiance to the Most High. 
I am also learning that I am somewhat of a control freak.  I spend many hours reading and researching on my daughter's condition, the medicines and their side effects, the different surgeries, who's the best of the best doctor and hospital, etc.  God keeps reminding me that He is in control and I just need to keep my hands out of His handy work.  When I finally surrender control to Him, I receive a great peace about the whole situation.  My sweet girl is going to be just fine, and is going to bounce back 110% percent.  In the meantime, I have got to let Him use her to bless others and touch other people's lives, even if that means undergoing brain surgery.  For we know that in all things God works for good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  - Romans 8:28

Freedom from Facebook

Live a more disciplined life, and listen carefully to words of knowledge.  Proverbs 24:12

Well. I did it. I finally deleted my Facebook account.

The funny thing is that, I don't miss it.  I don't miss how it would suck me into the computer screen each day, wasting countless minutes and hours oooing and ahhing over people's status updates, pictures, and drama.  I'm not one of those people who can just use Facebook for communication purposes, and I'm sure that is the situation for many people on Facebook.  For me, and for many, it is a breeding ground for insecurity, bitterness, rude behavior, and jealousy.  It is so much easier to type something out than to actually pick up the phone, call someone, and have a relationship with them.  We have entered the age where relationships are too often defined by our ability to "connect" via the internet.  I remembered growing up that the only way you knew someone was to spend time with them, to let them cry on your shoulder, to enjoy a cold watermelon in the summertime or ride horses bareback in the pasture.  It is so much easier in the current days to just throw a quick shout out to your friend on Facebook and then go about your business consumed by your own life and it's battles.  We think we already "know" these people because we read about their lives each day, but we don't really "know" them until we give of ourselves to them.  Spend time with them.  

I've noticed even more-so now that I spent way too much time on Facebook.  I even cut my time down to once per day, but it was still too much.  What is even more pathetic is that I would jump on the computer "real quick" to look up a phone number or get some quick information, and that always, inevitably, turned into me "stalking" people on Facebook, checking out pictures or reading up on drama.  Now, when I'm standing around with nothing to do, I feel a nudge to go read my Bible or do something productive, like fold that pile of laundry that's been sitting in my floor for days.  Or even better, spend time with my girls.  It's so easy to throw in a DVD or open the door to the backyard and forget about them as I would get sucked into the internet world.  

One of my friends said that when you start thinking in status updates, that's when Facebook gets ridiculous.  And it's so true.  Why do we care so much about what other people know about us?  Is it pride?  Absolutely. Pride and trying to define ourselves with things that really don't matter.  Now, I'm not knocking everyone who uses Facebook and this isn't Facebook Bashing Day for me.  This is just something that really resonates in my heart and something I feel that God has been pressing me to do for a long time.  Maybe you aren't that self-absorbed, nosey, prideful person that I tend to be.  My mama used to tell me, "Elizabeth, you are so worried that someone is going to fart and you won't be around to hear it."  A little gross, but a little true.  It's time to refocus myself and start walking in the direction God has called me to walk towards and stop worrying about what  I know and don't know.  I don't "need" Facebook as a communication tool.  Those who care about me and of whom I care about have my email, phone number, and/or know where I live.  In this season of Lent (and yes, I'm a little late), giving up Facebook is more than just a 40 day journey for me; it's a permanent thing.  I hope it will inspire other people to use their time more wisely doing those things to build up God's kingdom, to walk closer with Him, and invest in their friends and family.....the old fashioned way. 

Falling in love

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deuteronomy 6:5

Obviously, my blog hasn't been my number one priority in life, even when I try to convince myself I can make it a priority. So I'm not promising myself a once a week or even once a month blog, I'm just gonna write when I feel like God is pressing on my heart about something. Even if that's only once every 6 months.

I'm struggling a lot lately with keeping God at the forefront of everything I do. Being in the world, but not of the world. I'm so easily distracted, with an addictive and obsessive personality that often eats away at my soul. Things that often pull me away from the right focus are volleyball, worldly "needs" (I say that loosely because my "needs" aren't often true needs, but selfish desires that I convince myself to believe they are necessary), and just the daily hustle and bustle of being a mom and wife. I heard the song "More Like Falling in Love" by Jason Gray this morning and really focused on the words. My relationship with God and Christ hasn't been that of falling in love with them, but rather of allegiance, as Gray puts it. I've given my allegiance to God, but haven't been seeking out his love. I've had glimmers of hope over the past year, but my focus gets quickly distracted by all the worldly things I think are necessary for happiness. I've got to stop giving those things credit for making me happy and just surrender to His love.

An awesome friend of mine told me today, "you know, if you give all these [things] completely to God, He will handle them His way AND you'll be a whole lot less stressed". Prophetic words I need to digest and act upon indeed. Surrendering your life and problems to God is the only way to relieve yourself of any stress in this life. It's also the way to find His love, and in turn, fall in love with Him daily.

Maybe that's where I will start.

_________________________________________

"More like falling in love" - Jason Gray

Give me rules, I will break them
Show me lines, I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling in love

Give me words, I'll misuse them
Obligations, I'll missplace them
Cuz all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling
Its like I'm falling in love

Love, Love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling
In love
I'm falling in love

It's Been a While

I know, I know - It's been 9 months since my last blog. Life happens sometimes. Among the daily hustle and bustle of being a mommy to two under the age of 4, a super awesome wife, and the family housekeeper, it often seems like time gets sucked down the garbage disposal (which, by the way, is broken right now. Gotta check that off of my to do list). I really need to take more time to get my thoughts out onto this electronic paper.

Blogging is just the modern day word for journaling. Except you make a lot more noise with a keyboard than you do with a pencil and paper. I've come to realize, though, that it is through blogging and journaling that we are able to release our frustrations, figure things out, and have a much more sane life. We can look back on past blogs and see where we were walking in life, how God was blessing you, or how He now has answered your prayers. It serves as a constant reminder that life is a challenge, but we always manage to, with God's help, get through the tough times and the mistakes. Yep, we survive. Journaling and daily prayer/quiet time with the Lord go hand in hand. Haven't done much of either lately, and it's time to reorganize my priorities. God has reminded me just recently how much He loves me, and how much I matter to Him. First time I have truly felt that. Thank you Lord for reminding me of how much you love me. I'm not just a dot in the universe, I'm His daughter. He doesn't forget about me, so I shouldn't forget about Him. If He can manage umpteenbagillion sons and daughters, then I can take time to be in His presence each day and journal about my life and struggles/victories. Simple as that. There may be someone out there who is is dire need of a Christian example of how to survive life thought God's strength. May my blog and life be that example.

The enemy wants us to be focused on everything outside of our straight and narrow path that God has designed for us. Satan knows just what will make you turn your head and think twice about. He may even make it seem like it is from God, when your spirit taps you and reminds you that it's not. Gotta stay focused. Gotta stay on fire. The world needs it!

Loving my God and my Saviour,

Elizabeth