In Jesus' Name.

Testing my Faith

2011-03-26T08:50:00.000-05:00

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4

Our little family is going through a real test of our faith right now. My youngest daughter is having brain surgery in a couple of weeks for intractable seizures, and this desert period is really teaching both me and my husband some very valuable lessons about our faith and what we believe.
You see, it's very easy to say "Yes there is a God" when things are going great and life is just peachy.
But when we are faced with trials and the decision to fully offer our trust to Him, well, that's not so easy. Our "logical" thinking wants to quickly put our trust in what is seen to our eye, like the doctors, or equipment, or medicine. I am learning that we have to have these trials in order to define our faith and test our allegiance to the Most High.
I am also learning that I am somewhat of a control freak. I spend many hours reading and researching on my daughter's condition, the medicines and their side effects, the different surgeries, who's the best of the best doctor and hospital, etc. God keeps reminding me that He is in control and I just need to keep my hands out of His handy work. When I finally surrender control to Him, I receive a great peace about the whole situation. My sweet girl is going to be just fine, and is going to bounce back 110% percent. In the meantime, I have got to let Him use her to bless others and touch other people's lives, even if that means undergoing brain surgery. For we know that in all things God works for good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. - Romans 8:28

Freedom from Facebook

2011-03-22T10:14:00.000-05:00

Live a more disciplined life, and listen carefully to words of knowledge. Proverbs 24:12

Well. I did it. I finally deleted my Facebook account.

The funny thing is that, I don't miss it. I don't miss how it would suck me into the computer screen each day, wasting countless minutes and hours oooing and ahhing over people's status updates, pictures, and drama. I'm not one of those people who can just use Facebook for communication purposes, and I'm sure that is the situation for many people on Facebook. For me, and for many, it is a breeding ground for insecurity, bitterness, rude behavior, and jealousy. It is so much easier to type something out than to actually pick up the phone, call someone, and have a relationship with them. We have entered the age where relationships are too often defined by our ability to "connect" via the internet. I remembered growing up that the only way you knew someone was to spend time with them, to let them cry on your shoulder, to enjoy a cold watermelon in the summertime or ride horses bareback in the pasture. It is so much easier in the current days to just throw a quick shout out to your friend on Facebook and then go about your business consumed by your own life and it's battles. We think we already "know" these people because we read about their lives each day, but we don't really "know" them until we give of ourselves to them. Spend time with them.

I've noticed even more-so now that I spent way too much time on Facebook. I even cut my time down to once per day, but it was still too much. What is even more pathetic is that I would jump on the computer "real quick" to look up a phone number or get some quick information, and that always, inevitably, turned into me "stalking" people on Facebook, checking out pictures or reading up on drama. Now, when I'm standing around with nothing to do, I feel a nudge to go read my Bible or do something productive, like fold that pile of laundry that's been sitting in my floor for days. Or even better, spend time with my girls. It's so easy to throw in a DVD or open the door to the backyard and forget about them as I would get sucked into the internet world.

One of my friends said that when you start thinking in status updates, that's when Facebook gets ridiculous. And it's so true. Why do we care so much about what other people know about us? Is it pride? Absolutely. Pride and trying to define ourselves with things that really don't matter. Now, I'm not knocking everyone who uses Facebook and this isn't Facebook Bashing Day for me. This is just something that really resonates in my heart and something I feel that God has been pressing me to do for a long time. Maybe you aren't that self-absorbed, nosey, prideful person that I tend to be. My mama used to tell me, "Elizabeth, you are so worried that someone is going to fart and you won't be around to hear it." A little gross, but a little true. It's time to refocus myself and start walking in the direction God has called me to walk towards and stop worrying about what I know and don't know. I don't "need" Facebook as a communication tool. Those who care about me and of whom I care about have my email, phone number, and/or know where I live. In this season of Lent (and yes, I'm a little late), giving up Facebook is more than just a 40 day journey for me; it's a permanent thing. I hope it will inspire other people to use their time more wisely doing those things to build up God's kingdom, to walk closer with Him, and invest in their friends and family.....the old fashioned way.

Falling in love

2011-02-21T15:17:00.006-06:00

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deuteronomy 6:5

Obviously, my blog hasn't been my number one priority in life, even when I try to convince myself I can make it a priority. So I'm not promising myself a once a week or even once a month blog, I'm just gonna write when I feel like God is pressing on my heart about something. Even if that's only once every 6 months.

I'm struggling a lot lately with keeping God at the forefront of everything I do. Being in the world, but not of the world. I'm so easily distracted, with an addictive and obsessive personality that often eats away at my soul. Things that often pull me away from the right focus are volleyball, worldly "needs" (I say that loosely because my "needs" aren't often true needs, but selfish desires that I convince myself to believe they are necessary), and just the daily hustle and bustle of being a mom and wife. I heard the song "More Like Falling in Love" by Jason Gray this morning and really focused on the words. My relationship with God and Christ hasn't been that of falling in love with them, but rather of allegiance, as Gray puts it. I've given my allegiance to God, but haven't been seeking out his love. I've had glimmers of hope over the past year, but my focus gets quickly distracted by all the worldly things I think are necessary for happiness. I've got to stop giving those things credit for making me happy and just surrender to His love.

An awesome friend of mine told me today, "you know, if you give all these [things] completely to God, He will handle them His way AND you'll be a whole lot less stressed". Prophetic words I need to digest and act upon indeed. Surrendering your life and problems to God is the only way to relieve yourself of any stress in this life. It's also the way to find His love, and in turn, fall in love with Him daily.

Maybe that's where I will start.

_________________________________________

"More like falling in love" - Jason Gray

Give me rules, I will break them
Show me lines, I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling in love

Give me words, I'll misuse them
Obligations, I'll missplace them
Cuz all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling
Its like I'm falling in love

Love, Love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling

Its gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
Its like I'm falling, Ohhhh
Its like I'm falling
In love
I'm falling in love

It's Been a While

2010-05-19T21:54:00.003-05:00

I know, I know - It's been 9 months since my last blog. Life happens sometimes. Among the daily hustle and bustle of being a mommy to two under the age of 4, a super awesome wife, and the family housekeeper, it often seems like time gets sucked down the garbage disposal (which, by the way, is broken right now. Gotta check that off of my to do list). I really need to take more time to get my thoughts out onto this electronic paper.

Blogging is just the modern day word for journaling. Except you make a lot more noise with a keyboard than you do with a pencil and paper. I've come to realize, though, that it is through blogging and journaling that we are able to release our frustrations, figure things out, and have a much more sane life. We can look back on past blogs and see where we were walking in life, how God was blessing you, or how He now has answered your prayers. It serves as a constant reminder that life is a challenge, but we always manage to, with God's help, get through the tough times and the mistakes. Yep, we survive. Journaling and daily prayer/quiet time with the Lord go hand in hand. Haven't done much of either lately, and it's time to reorganize my priorities. God has reminded me just recently how much He loves me, and how much I matter to Him. First time I have truly felt that. Thank you Lord for reminding me of how much you love me. I'm not just a dot in the universe, I'm His daughter. He doesn't forget about me, so I shouldn't forget about Him. If He can manage umpteenbagillion sons and daughters, then I can take time to be in His presence each day and journal about my life and struggles/victories. Simple as that. There may be someone out there who is is dire need of a Christian example of how to survive life thought God's strength. May my blog and life be that example.

The enemy wants us to be focused on everything outside of our straight and narrow path that God has designed for us. Satan knows just what will make you turn your head and think twice about. He may even make it seem like it is from God, when your spirit taps you and reminds you that it's not. Gotta stay focused. Gotta stay on fire. The world needs it!

Loving my God and my Saviour,

Elizabeth

Learning Lessons....again...and again...

2009-08-01T13:52:00.002-05:00

"You guide me with your counsel..." Psalm 73:24

I am learning, over and over again, that decisions such as large purchases or other life decisions are not to be made quickly and without counsel from the Creator of the universe.

My husband and I have learned this lesson a third time now, thinking we had an answer, when we truly were trying to take our own life by the reins in an attempt to change a current situation.

Oh, how quickly God shows you when you have chosen incorrectly. How quickly you are humbled and reminded that His ways are far safer and far more wiser.

After making this purchase, I had a dream the same night about a friend. The dream had nothing to do with buying anything, but I woke up and realized the dream meant that you must know all the details about something before you decide yes or no on it. Oh, if I had just gone home, prayed, had my dream, and been patient. My husband and I wouldn't have been suckered into the "deal of the lifetime" that quickly became a thorn in our side.

What I have learned is that prayer, research, and patience are crucial components when it comes to making decisions. It may seem on the surface like an easy yes or no, but if you dig deeper you may find that decision to be the complete opposite. If God is truly in control of your life, you have to, HAVE to trust Him and be patient on His answer. The answer may not come today, tomorrow, or in a month. Many Christians know this, yet even though we may know it, we may forget to practice it, or how crucial that guidance is.

I hope our mistake and lesson will guide someone in a decision they are about to make, and show them that they need to wait a while for God's answer.

Be patient, do your research, pray diligently.

Music

2009-07-05T14:50:00.017-05:00

"...Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord..."

Ephesians 5:19

A friend on Twitter started a thread that asked fellow tweeters if they listen to secular music or not, and whether or not they thought it was right. Thought I would run with it and blog about it. Thanks @jackalopekid. :)

Now, I don't believe all secular music is bad. I love Jack Johnson, Norah Jones, Coldplay, Lifehouse, The Fray, Musiq Soulchild - to name a few. I can appreciate good, clean secular music that doesn't degrade humanity, or encourage sinful behavior (i.e., doing drugs, promiscuous sex, being angry, materialism...etc...). I think classical and jazz are just genious. There are many country songs that are beautifully written and performed. And believe it or not, I really enjoy listening to kid's songs, such as Laurie Berkner or David Weinstone. Probably because I have two of them who love to sing and dance. :)

But...

You must be selective.

I think I can speak from experience that music is very powerful and infulential. I used to be very heavily into rap music. My excuse was, "I don't listen to the lyrics, I just enjoy the beat." And, I really did like the beat....yet, no matter how hard I tried to ignore the lyrics, the filth still got stuck in my head. Pretty soon, things were "ok" in my head - it was "ok" to be selfish, "ok" to go out and get drunk every once in a while, "ok" to slip a few curse words here and there, "ok" to dress provocatively, "ok" to check out other men (hey, I was looking, but not touching, right?), "ok" to covet the riches of another..... When I was in college and sometime thereafter, I got drunk often, dabbled heavily in drugs, and was disgustingly promiscuous. The music I was listening to had a great impact on my thinking. It warped my view of what was ok to engage in and drug me further away from God. I Corinthians 10:23 says, "Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." I truly believe the enemy has most secular music in his arsenal as a way of wrapping the world around his little finger. There are even studies that have shown that music can influence a teenager's sexual promiscuity, as well as sexually aggressive behavior towards women.

It was when I made the conscious decision to leave 92.1 "The Party Station" on the airwaves and listen to rather the Christian station 91.7 WEGS and 91.1 WPSM that my mind began to be freed from filth. I began to see the world biblically, not secularly, and as we Christians know, a biblical worldview is necessary in your walk with Christ. I then started buying worship cd's and playing those everytime I got in the car. When you are walking with Christ, there is no music in the world that will make you feel the way God's music will - when you speak words that glorify Him and raise Him up, there is nothing that will match that. When you are dealing with the hustle of daily life, there is no music that will release you from the pressure like God's music. He has annointed it for a reason. There is no music that will bring you closer in your walk with Him. Why wouldn't you want to show your Father you love Him every chance you get? For me, the only times I really listen to music is in the car. I can focus on Him, (and the road, of course) without having children attached to my hip. It is my moment of peace - and I want to use that time to worship the One who gave me life. What a better way to bring your children up in this world than to let their little ears hear His music at a young age. When my little girl sings along to worship songs, I know that the name of Jesus is being written on her heart. After all, children are influenced by media and music, they "observe, imitate, and make behaviors of their own."

One person argued that, "secular music reveals our real culture, there is a lot to be learned." Ok, sure. But do you have to listen to the music, and conform to the world to be able to relate to people about Christ? The Bible says, "do not be conformed to this world." Romans 12:2. Conforming to the world in order to relate to the world is dangerous. We can, however, relate to people through our life experiences. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" Your testimony to Christ's goodness and love is shown through the way you live your life and how you respond to life in general. That is far more powerful than being able to understand a culture through music, or understanding them at all.

The same person argued, "Maybe we should create a total subculture in which we shut off the world. They don't need Jesus!" How does choosing to not listen to secular music shut off the world? You shut off the world when you choose to sit stagnate and not move to God's calling. You shut off the world when you become self-absorbed in your own life and don't seek to meet the needs of others around you. You shut off the world when you aren't willing to tell other's about Jesus, regardless of what you know about their culture. Let's remember that we don't do anything in our own power, but by the power of Christ in us (Philipians 4:13). You don't have to understand the filth of the culture to be able to bring souls to Christ. God has equipped you with all that you will ever need to be His hands and feet. Remember, He already knows the culture better than we ever will.

If you are a Christian, will the gates of heaven be shut on you if you choose to listen to secular music? No. Music doesn't save you. Is God going to turn His back on you? Absolutely not. However, music can change you and can influence you in ways you may not be aware of. "Be careful little ears what you hear." Ephesians 5:9-11 says, "For you were once darkness, but now you are the light of the Lord. Live as children of light and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them." Why not let the power of music influence you to worship and adore your Creator? Isn't He worth it? "I will sing to the Lord, for He is highly exalted." Exodus 15:1

Watch this video (RT: @TMinistry - Discern Wisely). It is an hour long, but will bring to light just how powerful music can be.

My Strong Tower

2009-07-03T12:54:00.005-05:00

"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear...." Psalm 46:1,2

I sat in the presence of a mighty, loving God last night who answered my call.

I woke up at about 1:45 a.m. sweating and with an awful sense of fear overwelming me. I had awaken from a dream - one that was very dark, demonic, and straight out of a horror film. (I don't watch that garbage, so this was out of the ordinary for me.) Even though I was awake, and I was not in the midst of the dream anymore, I felt an enormous amount of fear. What I was afraid of, I don't even know. I felt like I needed to get up, pray, and read my Bible to push through this fear, because fear is NOT of God....it is straight from the enemy of our souls. I have dealt with fear like this before, fear that I had worked myself up into, but this time it was different - It felt like someone had taken a big heavy piece of metal named "fear" and placed it on my shoulders, and I just couldn't throw it off of me. As silly as it sounds, I felt like Satan was standing over me, pushing down on the metal and laughing at how pitiful I looked.

I sat in the living room, in tears, praying for my Father to comfort me and release me from the stronghold of fear. I looked up and asked, "please speak to me," and opened my Bible.

I opened right to Psalm 46:

"God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear,

Even though the earth be removed,

And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though its waters roar and be troubled,

Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

There is a river whose streams shall made glad the city of God,

The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High,

God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;

God shall help her, just as the break of dawn.

The nations raged , the kingdoms were moved

He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge.

Come behold the works of the Lord,

Who has made desolations in the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;

He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;

He burns the chariot in the fire.

Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted amont the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us;

The God of Jacob is our refuge."

Coincidence? Nonbelievers would say so. I, however, felt the presence of my Father last night like no other time. In a book of 1189 chapters, I find it hard to believe that I coincidentally fell onto this Psalm at this particular moment of need. The song, "Strong Tower" by Kutless immediately came to mind after reading it. My love for my Father was magnified by 100 after this encounter with Him. The fear was removed from me, and I crawled in bed and fell right back to sleep. Take that, Satan!

What I learned from this incident is that God is bigger than anything that may have a stronghold over you and is keeping you from walking in fullness with Him - fear, anger, impatience, unkindness, addiction, lust, whatever it may be. You fill in the blank. Many may know this, but many aren't humble enough to go before Him. Once you realize you are just a mere, weak soul without the power of Christ, chains will finally be broken and life will be restored.

You need Him. Period.

Desert Song

2009-06-14T19:56:00.001-05:00

A great song to be singing when you are in the middle of a trial!

Controlling Your Environment

2009-06-13T09:31:00.008-05:00

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe." ~ Proverbs 18:10

Ever notice how cold, sterile, and lifeless some areas of a hospital can be? One would think that in a place where healing often takes place and where lives are saved, the spirit of God would be overwhelming. In my experience, however, the enemy lurks and dwells behind every corner, in every room, attacking families and loved ones with doubt, fear, anxiety, stress, anger - anything to keep the focus off of our Creator, the One who gives us life.

My youngest daughter had a second seizure this week and I rushed an hour away to Sacred Heart Hospital. Dejavu. Except this time, I was without my husband, essentially, all alone. My daughter was seizing for 3 hours, and upon walking into the ER I could see people staring at her seizing, I'm sure wondering what in the world was going on. These stares gave me a sense of panic and worry, as I now was shaking and so afraid that I couldn't get tears out. After being admitted, I spoke to my husband on the phone and he reminded me to "control my environment," to not let the enemy fill our hospital room or wing with those feelings that can overtake you. 6 months ago, we weren't so wise, and the atmosphere of our room was very tense, so tense that our pastor walked in and immediately told us to take control over the enemy.

Yet, this time was much harder because I tend to be a worrywart, and without my teammate, my better half there with me to help, I had to fight this battle all alone. I found ways to welcome the Holy Spirit into my room - through prayer, through opening the Word, and through playing worship music in my room. By just welcoming the Spirit and pushing to focus on my Father, an overwhelming sense of peace filled my heart. I refused to let the enemy beat me this time, even though he would whisper words to me like permanent damage, or death.

While reading Proverbs in the hospital I came across one that was very appropriate for my situation: "A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." - Proverbs 17:22. I realized that by choosing to be positive and focused on the Lord, it would serve as "good medicine" and fill my spirit and the room with a sense of peace. It would also give me strength. And it did.

God was so faithful to me this week. I prayed for everything to go smoothly this time, I prayed for an answer and a solution to her seizure. In comparison to the last time, things were completely different. This time, there was peace. Tests went smoothly. We got an answer, and a solution. Just because we are Christians and have God on our side doesn't mean we won't face trials. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Lessons learned:

Refuse to let the enemy win. Control your environment by welcoming the Holy Spirit. Do whatever it takes. You will have peace in doing so.

You will face trials. But remember that, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe." Cling to Him, focus on Him, don't forget about Him!!!

"Trust in the Lord with ALL thine heart and lean NOT on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge HIM and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

Correction, Insult, and Wisdom

2009-06-08T09:24:00.004-05:00

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker, or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning." - Proverbs 9:7-9

I struggle with the desire to argue with people when they "mock" me, especially when it involves my faith. I take it personally and feel I have to prove them wrong, so I quickly jump to my Bible to quote scripture and engage the argument further. Even as a child/young adult, I enjoyed arguing so much that at one point in my life I thought I was going to be a lawyer. As I was studying Proverbs last night, this verse really spoke to me because of a situation I encountered 24 hours prior. I never cease to be amazed at how the Lord will direct me and challenge me when I face issues in my life. It is simply amazing to me that I can deal with something one day, only to read the scriptures the next about how I should have reacted in a certain situation.

"Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse." This is so very true. I have never had an arguement in this manner that did not end in me being insulted or verbally abused. I am usually brought to tears and drag my poor husband into the mess, who I am sure is tired of the drama I bring upon myself. I open the doors to this insult and abuse when I choose to correct the mocker. What an eye opener for me this was. It makes absolute perfect sense, however, that a wise man would welcome correction and rebuke. A wise man/woman seeks truth and wisdom and is disciplined and humble enough to accept another's loving correction because they are not threatened by the person with the wisdom. They see that person as a deliverer of the truth.

Lessons learned:

Ignore mockers or those who wish to stir up the pot. It never ends peacefully and you are only bringing insult upon yourself. You don't need to correct them or fight God's battles, God can handle it.

Seek to be the wise person who welcomes proper correction and rebuke from others.

The Love Chapter

2009-05-28T20:03:00.002-05:00

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres......love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-7

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Hillsong United concert in Orlando this week and was blown away by the awesome worship experience I had. Midway through the concert they flashed on the screen images of people reciting the love chapter. I immediately realized something. How many times have you heard the love chapter in Corinthians recited at a wedding, or been referenced as a guideline in your personal relationships? What if we took the love chapter and also applied it to how we treat perfect strangers or people we may come in conflict with? I'm preaching to myself here, because my eyes were really opened to this.

Christ commanded us to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39) and to "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:44). Can you imagine the doors that would open for relationships, the opportunities we would have to witness to others, and the example we would set for all Christians if we just loved ALL people following the guidelines of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? Really challenge yourself to do this. Ask God to let you see others the way He sees them. Remember the things that love is not, and write that on your heart.

"Give me your eyes for just one second, give me your eyes so I can see. Everything that I keep missing. Give me your love for humanity.Give me your arms for the broken hearted, the ones who are far beyond my reach. Give me your heart for the ones forgotten, give me your eyes so I can see." - Brandon Heath

Anger and Revenge

2009-05-20T12:24:00.004-05:00

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret, it only leads to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land." - Psalm 37:7-9

Have you ever been in a situation where someone did something awful, either to you or a friend, and got "away" with it? The initial reaction of the flesh is to flip out on that person and seek revenge. It sure does feel good to release the tension of the anger that is boiling inside of you on the person guilty of ruining your mood. That's where the enemy gets you. He knows how great it feels inside of us to seek revenge on those who harm us, emotionally, physically, or situationally - and he knows how that will wreck relationships, lives, and ultimately our walk with Christ. In situations like this we must "Be still before the LORD" and lay it all at His feet, including the anger. God is in control, even when evildoers seem to be getting away with their schemes. He may be working in that person's life in ways you may never understand or witness.

So what are we to do? Love them, pray for them, forgive them. This is extremely hard to do by ourselves, but with God's perfect strength and grace, we can do it. What a powerful witness and testimony of His love through us if we can show people we forgive them through our actions and words, even if they don't ask for forgiveness. He may be using us in that situation to get the person's attention. If you react in anger, you hinder God in reaching that person at that time. Don't hinder Him, let Him use you!!

Ultimately, trust God in knowing that those who choose to continually turn their backs on Him and induldge themselves in evil will "be cut off - but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."

His Voice

2009-05-17T15:25:00.011-05:00

"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is a servant to the lender."Proverbs 22:7

"It is the blessing of the LORD that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it."Proverbs 10:22

I want to share a bit of testimony on how God speaks in my life.

We have been praying for wisdom on buying a larger home, considering we have 4 of us living in 1000 square feet of space. On the surface, it seems plausible and necessary. Our closets are jam packed, cabinets are overflowing, and we share one, tiny bathroom. At first, we thought God was moving things in our life so we could financially afford to carry the burden of two mortgages - we bought our house in "05 when the market was about to pop and, like the rest of America, are upside down; leaving us our only choice but to rent out our house if we were to move. We didn't think we were able to use a VA loan again, but to our surprise our lender said we still had VA money to use. The pre-approval letter was granted in less than 24 hours and only a week from then my husband was promoted.

Now on the surface, it seems as though God wants us to move. The more I prayed for wisdom, the more God revealed to me that this wasn't a great idea.

And then He really got my attention.

Ever feel during a sermon that God is shouting at you, giving you your answer LOUD AND CLEAR? Pastor Steve was completing his sermon series on "In God We Trust". He noted Proverbs 22:7 - "The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is a servant to the lender." Wow. It hit me that it wasn't the wisest thing to take out yet another mortgage and become tied and bound to the banks that we owe money to. Of course, I sat there and tried to outsmart God, thinking "but we can rent our house out for sure, it's a great area and we are a military town." Ha. You can't outsmart God. "But God, this is the time to BUY! The interest rates will never be this low!" The sermon just kept hitting point after point and I sunk lower and lower into my seat. Grr.

I slept horribly as I couldn't get over the tension I was feeling in what God was telling me to do, and was woken up at 3 am with the Lord hitting me with more points to ponder. I woke up sad because I knew I had to be obedient and I knew that meant no new house right now. We have all of these carrots dangling in front of us, yet we must step out in fatih and obedience. Our needs are abundantly met right now, and there is nothing we need, even a new home. God is so loving, though, and I was reminded that "it is the blessing of the LORD that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it." Proverbs 10:22. If it is going to add more burden to your life, then it's probably not a God thing. Avoid it like the plague! Be obedient! God's timing is perfect timing. It is moments like this that we must step out in faith in recognizing our source. Even though it may stink now, what God has for you up the road will smell so much sweeter. :)

Lifting Hands

2009-05-14T15:32:00.008-05:00

Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you."

Psalm 63:3-5

I was raised in a very traditional, southern church where we sang out of a gospel hymnal to the tune of a very seasoned piano player. Our song list usually involved "I'll Fly Away", "He Set Me Free", and "Washed in the blood?" Most of us were out of tune with each other, yet I am sure that God still enjoyed it. Even still, I was never taught to raise my hands in praise nor was it something that was often done in my church. Many people may disagree to what I am going to write, and that's perfectly ok. But I want to share in something that has changed my walk with my Father and has brought me closer to Him.

Worship. Worship that has required me to break outside of my comfort zone and do things I may have not been taught to do growing up. Like raising my hands in praise. This was extremely hard for me to do. I was very stubborn about it, thinking "I shouldn't do it just because everyone else is doing it, I can praise God just fine without it." You can, indeed...and no one should judge you for not raising your hands. But there is something to be said about surrendering yourself and your pride to the Lord by raising your hands in a love gesture towards your Father. The blessings you receive from surrendering your will to Him is truly remarkable.

Our pastor just finished a sermon series called, "Why Worship?" I just didn't get it until after this sermon. Pastor Steve alluded the gesture of raising our hands to giving a hug to someone you love. We can't physically touch him, so we raise our hands to him as to say, "I love you." Wow. And "because [His] love is better than life" I want to "praise [Him] as long as I live. In [His] name I will lift up my hands."

God's love is amazing and I want to show Him how grateful I am and how much I love him back.

Perfect Strength

2009-05-12T10:07:00.008-05:00

"If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

Psalm 37:23-24

I think this is a psalm of encouragement for many of us out there. God's way is very simple - love Him and others, follow His commands, and spread the gospel. We may hit potholes along the way, but if we are diligently seeking to live our lives the way He has instructed us, He will not leave us or let us fall. We may stumble, but He protects us. We experience His AWESOME, perfect strength. If we choose a life outside of His will and choose to turn our backs on Him, we may come upon those potholes and fall flat on our face. Ouch. Then it's time to tend to our wounds and deal with that by ourselves. Not fun and extremely difficult, if not impossible without His perfect strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9 - ...my strength is made perfect in weakness..."

Does that mean there's no hope if you are living a life outside of His will? Absolutely NOT! God's patience and love is simply amazing. Turn to Him, seek Him, trust in Him. You will begin to experience blessings that man could never give you. Especially when you come across those potholes.

Fear and Shame

2009-05-09T08:49:00.005-05:00

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

Psalm 34:4,5

Everyone fears something. Some fear thunderstorms, heights, snakes, you name it. For me, my fears have always involved a great deal of anxiety. I can get so worked up over the thought of something bad happening that it greatly affects me emotionally. My eyes are no longer focused one the One with all the power, but to the thoughts that captivate my mind. Fear can, in fact, bring upon yourself a great deal of shame, especially if it is something that another person may not fear. You may feel ashamed that you aren't emotionally strong enough to battle that fear, or are ashamed that what you fear is just silly in another person's eyes. It wasn't until I began seeking the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind that He delivered me from those fears. When you seek Him, He is faithful. He answers. He wants you to be in His presence so He can deliver you from things like fear.

v. 5 "Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

There is a two-part interpretation to this verse. With something like fear, looking to Him and being delivered from fear also delivers you from shame.

But what if you aren't battling fear? What if you are battling the memory of a shameful past that the enemy likes to attack you with? What if the memory of that past brings upon your spirit a great deal of shame that just simply depresses you?

Look to HIM - and your face will never be covered with shame. His strength IS PERFECT. Trust me, I know from experience.

Hillsong - With Everything

2009-05-08T21:15:00.001-05:00

Still stuck in my head from Surrender worship Thursday!

Love this song....

God is faithful

2009-05-08T08:21:00.011-05:00

God is faithful....~1 Corinthians 1:9

I am amazed at the work of God's hand in my life. He has blessed my family in so many ways and He never ceases to amaze me at how He works. I am happy to announce that my husband got a promotion after only being with the company for 7 months. Things have begun to fall into place for us to have a larger home with more room for our growing family. We are searching and looking, and searching some more, but here is one that we have begun to fall in love with:

Is this our new home? Only the Lord knows. I must say though that things have worked out in a way for us financially that can only come from God. He is our source. I'm so excited to see what he has in store for my family.

On another note, I couldn't sleep last night. I think I was worked up from the awesome worship experience I had and continue to have at Destiny. I was so happy to be back at Surrender (our young adults group) and be around my church family again. There is something to be said about surrounding yourself with believers and sharing in the love of Christ. Sure, you can be a Christian and worship from home and never attend a church. But what a great blessing it is to have the emotional and spiritual support from your brothers and sisters in Christ. Just another blessing I can count each day - an amazing church family that fills my spirit with joy every time I walk through the doors.

I have grown so much in the year that I have been at Destiny, it is amazing how my love for my Father has gone from 0 to 60+. Before, I always knew I believed that God existed, but I honestly was never able to say that I 'loved' Him. I never had a passion to know Him nor did I ever feel a 'love'. After much prayer God has given me that passion and I am so in love with my heavenly Father. I cannot wait to see Him face to face.

And...I cannot wait for the Motion Student Conference in Birmingham:

Psalm 20

2009-05-06T10:27:00.004-05:00

Ok, life has been crazy the past few months - I have had a lot on my plate and haven't been able to dedicate any time to this blog. I am going to try harder - for real this time. It is my goal to blog at least once a week, maybe more.

I was reading a few passages in Psalms today and came across a few that I'd like to comment on :

Psalm 20 (New International Version)

¹ May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

³ May he remember all your sacrifices

and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

⁴ May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

⁵ We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

⁶ Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

This really got my attention today as I have been praying diligently for the Lord's wisdom in searching for a new home. At times I feel guilty of asking God for more, but in this case our current home is tiny and we are literally busting at the seams. It is comforting to know that God wants to bless you, that He wants to give you the "desires of your heart.". I certainly don't wish for extreme luxury, just space! I know His will is perfect and even if we don't get more space immediately, I know He will bless us with that desire eventually.

Another point about this Psalm I'd like to point out is v. 3 - "May he remember all your sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings." My husband and I just started tithing recently and this was a reminder to me that God does not forget that, that He will honor it in due time. Our tithe is an act of our worship, recognizing where the source of our finances come from. If we can't give back to God in faith that He is our source, then are we truly worshipping Him?

Psalm 20 was brought to my attention by a leader of our church, so I felt led to start reading Psalms from the very beginning. Today I read up to Psalm 12 and this verse stuck out for me:

Psalm 12:7-8

"O Lord, you will keep us safe and protect us from such people forever. The wicked freely strut about when what is vile is honored among men."

What a perfect picture of how our society looks today. There is a lot going on in our country and around the world that wouldn't have dared happen 50 years ago. What we are allowing to happen is indeed "what is vile is honored among men." People like to think we are more "enlightened." Are we? Or have we (not specifically Christians, but "we" in general) become more stupid, for lack of a better word?

What a blessing to read this:

Psalm 11:7 - "For the Lord is righteous, he loves justice, upright men will see his face."

A reminder that even though there is a lot of garbage happening around us, some of it impossible for Christians to put a stop to, we are comforted in knowing that justice will be served and that God is righteous.

Update on Life

2009-03-30T17:27:00.002-05:00

I was told I need to get back on track with my blogs, so here goes.

I should probably set a better timeline and schedule for doing this, but life is so hectic right now and I have a million things going on. I'll try to get better, although I'm not sure many people read this anyway. I like to think it's more of a diarylike blog.

First, God is awesome. He is doing some amazing things in me right now and is really stirring up my desire and love for Him. I attended my first Night of Worship at church and am really wondering why I never went to one. It was amazing, God is amazing. He just keeps peeling layers off of me and opening my eyes more and more each day. My desire to be in His presence grows the more I learn and know Him. I have been struggling with how I should worship the Lord and have often been very worried about my "self-image". God finally showed me that NO ONE CARES! We are all out there together worshipping an amazing, wonderful, all powerful being. It's not about ME...it's about HIM, and doing what is pleasing to Him. When I finally let go and lifted my hands to the Lord I felt completely free. It was in complete surrender and obedience to Him. And I can't begin to describe how much I love worship now. I am free!!!!!

Second, there have been some things I have dabbled in during my past that the enemy had a tight grip on me from. It was invading my dreams, often times my thoughts, and I felt like I couldn't shake my awful past. I know God has forgiven me, but the enemy wouldn't let it go. God began to rip those chains from me at Night of Worship. The peace I feel is incredible. Seeing God in action like this is unbelievable.

I can't wait to see what He does next.

Ignored Gift

2009-01-11T15:02:00.003-06:00

I had a revelation the other day.
Layla got a very nice, (and very expensive) little kitchen for Christmas, along with lots of other wonderful toys for her to play with. I've noticed that she doesn't play with it as much as I would like, and I found myself growing frustrated at how much money we paid for some of the items only to have her ignore the gifts. Then God showed me something. God gave a priceless gift, the ultimate gift of all gifts, by sacrificing His Son for our sins. How disappointed God must feel when people ignore that gift or don't engage with Christ on a daily basis, knowing the price that was paid for that gift. Even though I am a Christian and fully believe, I know the daily hustle and bustle of being a mom and wife sometimes overshadows what should be my first focus. I feel like I am brought back to refocus often (yes, I'm stubborn), and I'm grateful that God's got me in His grasp.

No Fear - Christmas Thought

2008-12-19T14:06:00.008-06:00

After many tests and doctor visits, I still don't know what is wrong with me. The dizziness comes and goes, but I am happy to report that I do not have any more chest pain or palpitations and more importantly, fear has been replaced with faith. I heard a pastor on the radio say that "fear is the absence of faith" and it put a lot of things into perspective for me. If we are afraid of what the enemy may be able to do to us we lose focus on what our God CAN do for us. I felt somewhat ashamed because initially I was so wrapped up in what was wrong with me and momentarily forgot who was in charge.
On a side note, I am so grateful this Christmas. Even though our tree is not going to be stuffed to the brim with gifts, I am thankful for what the birth of one baby boy means to our faith and salvation. I am blessed beyond measure to have my beautiful family that I can't imagine living without. The worldly view of Christmas measures joy by how many gifts you got, or what name brand was on the purse you received, or how much money was spent. It's hard to get sucked into that arrogant mindset. I have shamefully found myself a time or two this Christmas browsing by a name brand store and thinking how much better that particular object would make me feel. How shallow. Yet, the true meaning of Christmas is quite simple. A God who was merciful to send his Son on this earth so that we could be saved.
I am often puzzled as to why people refused to believe in a God or in Jesus Christ. I enjoy philosophical thinking, yet I know my earthly mind will never understand fully the miracles of Christianity. Are people really that self-centered in thinking that if they can't solve it, it must not be true? What have you truly got to lose in serving Jesus Christ?
I hope everyone has a blessed Christmas and remembers why we celebrate this season. Step outside of the worldly box for a moment and focus on what really matters. Remember the importance of relationships instead of name brands. As my daddy says, "your stuff can't save you - only Christ can."

The Great Physician

2008-11-23T18:08:00.003-06:00

I've been dealing with some stumbling blocks that the enemy has put in my way lately. I've been having many dizzy spells, blackouts, and moments of chest pain. At first, I was terrified. Terrified of dying and leaving my family that I love so very much. Terrified of the pain I would feel. Terrified of not being 100% ready to leave this world. Terrified that the doctors would not find what is wrong with me and that they may miss it and I would suffer. I was reminded by a dear friend that there is no doctor on this planet that knows my body like my God, my Great Physician. In all my weariness, I forgot that. The enemy did a good job of keeping that masked so that I would freak out and not focus on Him. I thought I was focused, but I wasn't. Praying is only a portion of that focus you should have on Him. Believing with your entire body, mind, and spirit that He can and will heal you, and that He is in complete control, is a great deal of that focus.
Something wonderful happened to me on Thursday night. While I was praying with a friend, I felt that peace of God pass over me, I felt a connection with my God that I have never felt before. I felt it again in church this morning, so much that I became overwhelmed with emotion and sobbed. Many people may call this hokey-pokey emotional mumbo-jumbo....but I know that what I felt was real. It reassured me that He is real and He is there. He will never leave me, and He does have great plans for me. He is going to heal me, regardless of whether or not a doctor can tell me what is wrong. I have peace in knowing my Creator is in control. Whether it is a heart condition, whether it is something in my brain, or whether it is a simple as stress and anxiety, I will be released from this attack of the enemy. I have no doubt. THANK YOU JESUS FOR YOUR HEALING POWER!

Wrath on the Horizon

2008-11-05T05:23:00.006-06:00

My heart is so distraught at what our country has just done. I have never been this emotionally involved with an election as this, and I fear what kind of "change" will be affecting our lives over the next four years.
I am grateful I have a God who is bigger than any President that will ever be in the White House.
Yet, I also know that I serve a Lord who will, sadly, bring wrath upon this country for allowing the filth that we have slowly turned a blind eye to. God rises up leaders and brings them down. This country will deserve every bit of turmoil it bears. I pray that He has mercy on His people who love Him and cling to Him.
This election has reassured me about homeschooling or Christian schooling rather than placing my children in the public school system that will open up doors that I would like to keep closed tightly. There is so much more garbage for our children to deal with these days than I ever could have imagined dealing with when I was in school. And that was only 10 years ago, I can't imagine how much worse it will be in 10 more.
Maybe, just maybe, this will stir up something in God's people. A strong passion and desire to spread the gospel and be a voice for those who don't have one. Maybe this is our last and final opportunity to be His hands and feet, and to show the world the Jesus that lives inside of us, instead of keeping Him conveniently tucked away for when we need Him. And I'm not pointing the finger at anyone but myself. Let us remember that we may be the only Jesus that someone ever sees, and it is apparent after this election that the majority of our country has never seen Him, or has seen a Christian fail at showing it.
Go be the light of Jesus! America is awfully dark!

Daniel 4:17 - "... That the Most High rules in the kingdom of men,
Gives it to whomever He will,
And sets over it the lowest of men."

Psalm 47:9 - "The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted."

John 19:10 - "You would have no power over me if it had not been given to you from above."

Vote Your Conscience

2008-11-04T06:59:00.004-06:00

Today will change the future of our children.

I am proud to say I am a Republican with strong morals and values and will be voting my conscience today. As I awoke this morning, I was reminded that we Christians must fight for those values because there IS an absolute truth. There IS only one way. "I am the way, the truth, and the life. NO man cometh unto the Father except through me." (John 14:6). We should be concerned about the nation that doesn't challenge other religions or beliefs. Murdering the unborn is not a choice, it is a sin. I'm pretty confident that God does not enjoy watching us kill the unborn, especially because of selfish reasons. (Psalms 127:3) We cannot stand by silent and be "ashamed" of the gospel, or be afraid to say something because it might not fall in line with what someone else believes, or because we want to avoid an argument. There is no political correctness in the gospel, only ABSOLUTE TRUTH. "For I am NOT ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that believeth." (Rom 1:16).
Wake up people! God is real! And if we, as a Nation, keep turning our back on Him, eventually He is going to let our Nation fall. And it will be ugly.
Vote your conscience today. If you read the same Bible I do (Christian, Catholic, Morman, etc.), then I hope and pray you live by the principles that Christ taught us. If you live by those principles, then the only honest choice for President is John McCain. God is going to take care of our economy, it is up to us to be a voice for the unborn and to protect our nation from any more filth.

Rising Above

2008-10-31T06:18:00.003-05:00

Satan seems to be in full force this time of the year (Halloween).

It never fails, I fall victim to Satan's games and temptations more often than not. I am ashamed to say I had a lot of anger in my heart yesterday for people who don't even affect my life on a daily basis, yet are people I have even prayed for. Anger is an emotion that is very hard to pull away from and can even be addicting, in a sense. I wonder how many more times I will be faced with this temptation before I finally get it. I'm sure God will be clapping his hands when I finally am able to walk away from the garbage that Satan throws at me, instead of jumping on my high horse and telling the world where they can shove it. Satan is so clever, isn't he? He knows exactly what ruffles your feathers enough that you will lose focus on God and Jesus, and instead dabble in sin.
It is hard to live like Jesus. If it was easy, then everyone could do it without thinking twice. But we are commanded to live our lives as mirror images of our Savior. Thank goodness we are saved by grace, even if we are VERY imperfect. It doesn't by any means excuse our actions, but it is what separates us from the rest of the world. When we stumble (and we will), we have to regain our focus and look to our loving and gracious Father for forgiveness and the strength to rise above and resist these silly temptations.
I think I'm going to have a wristband made that says, "You may be the only Jesus someone sees today." I need all of the reminding I can get to stay focused :)

Silent Solidarity (October 21, 2008)

2008-10-31T06:16:00.000-05:00

Today is the day of Silent Solidarity for pro-lifers who wish to "lose their voice for those who may never have one."
Of course, being a mama, I can't be silent, but I can try to be a voice for the unborn in this blog.
**If you are pro-choice, you are not going to like what I have to say. Please, if you disagree with me, keep your comments to yourself. I will not argue with you on the sanctity of life or whether or not murdering the unborn is ok. You will not receive a response from me. **

Psalms 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a gift from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward."
If a child is a gift from the Lord (ALL children), then why do many call it a choice? It is sad that human creation has been watered down to a choice. Let us be reminded that more often than not, when a woman chooses to abort her child, it is for selfish reasons. The cases of rape and incest abortions are minuscule compared to the number of abortions at will.

Let us also be reminded that ALL children are precious in God's eyes. All children deserve a chance at life. We do not control our destiny or our life, God does. Therefore, we women should not have the right to choose to murder the baby that is thriving inside of us.

Someone had once argued with me that if abortions are not legal, then who is going to care for all of those unwanted babies? Or how are we going to stop those women from aborting the babies themselves and possibly killing themselves in the process?

First, our country needs to do something about the adoption process and making it more affordable. There are so many couples who cannot have children who would love to be a father and mother to the unwanted children. It seems so unfair that those who can't have babies must watch in horror as those who can chose to abort.

Second, do we legalize murder just because people are going to do it anyway? Do we legalize drugs, just because people are going to do it anyway? Absolutely not. And we shouldn't legalize abortion either.

Third, we Christians need to actively spread the gospel and give people hope in Christ. We cannot be angry and argue with those who are pro-choice. We must approach them in a loving manner and show them how great our God is. If we cling to God and seek Him first, then we are comforted in knowing that everything is in His control.

Real Perspective (September 2008)

2008-10-31T06:14:00.000-05:00

The past weekend really put things into perspective for me. Many things I have been struggling with or questioning about are not such great battles for me anymore. Seeing Liliana in the hospital and watching her go through everything while looking up at me with those tears in her eyes was more than I ever thought I could bear. My job as a mommy was more validated this weekend than it has ever been. If I wouldn't have been at home, her episode would have been missed, and things could have potentially been a lot worse. My babies need me, my career can certainly wait its turn. Things you sometimes take for granted, like amazing family and friends, or great insurance, are now cherished and appreciated even more.

I have stepped back and evaluated my life a little differently now. The things I cling so dearly to, the passions and desires of my heart, are really just a tiny dot in the painting of my life. They don't measure up to how great our God is, how important your family is. My first thought after all of this happened was, "Ok, God, I get it, I'll stay away from coaching". I felt like I was being punished. But I wasn't! God doesn't cause sickness, He allows those things to happen and uses them for His good. He uses all bad for His good! I needed to refocus and see my life from God's perspective. I was so wrapped up in what I wanted to do, and kept forgetting that He has such great plans for me and my family, that I just need to be obedient and trust Him. It's easy to say you trust Him, but when the going gets tough, do you really? When your little girl gets poked more than 20 times and is screaming and sweating in obvious pain, do you trust Him? When you don't know if she's got cancer, or an infection, or epilepsy, do you trust Him? When money is tight and you have no idea how you are going to pay your bills, do you trust Him? I feel it is in these moments that our faith is renewed and strengthened. He is faithful, He does not leave us, ever! These moments help us remember that you cannot live this life alone and that it is only by His grace and mercy are you able to move forward in life. We are truly helpless without our mighty God.

Another random thought I had today - We cannot forget to feed our soul with its only nourishing food - the Word and prayer. Yes, you cannot treat those things like something you check off in order to call yourself a Christian. But it is through those avenues that you become closer to God. View it more as spiritual food, rather than a chore or duty. That's how I keep the enemy from enticing me to stop reading and praying. He almost had me, but I sucker punched him in the gut :)

Obedience (August 2008)

2008-10-31T06:13:00.000-05:00

I am so God's problem child.

Not in the sense that I am overly rebellious...no, I tend to have a hard time being obedient and doing what I know God wants me to do. I, being the control freak that I am, want to do things my way. This is an uphill battle for me. Often, I feel like saying, "But I don't wannu!", even when I hear him LOUD AND CLEAR.

I have been struggling with whether or not I should go coach volleyball, at all, in any way. This includes just coaching part-time, or helping teams out. I love volleyball, I am so passionate about the sport. I find great joy in seeing girls improve their game and skills, knowing I had some part in doing that. There is just one problem with me coaching...it consumes me. I lose sleep at night and my thoughts are taken over by which drills to run, how to improve someone's serve or swing, or which offense the team should run. Everything else becomes trivial and is put second. There is an obvious problem with that. God and my family come first, and somehow they don't when I am consumed by things like coaching volleyball.

I know what the answer is- stay away from coaching volleyball right now, period. But I still try to find loopholes thinking maybe I will outsmart the Omniscient God of this world. Maybe I can just, this once, go help someone out with practice. I'll go and "just have fun." Yeah. Right. And when things go sour, and I leave the gym upset about something that went wrong, I really can't be angry at anyone. It is just God putting His foot down and saying, "LISTEN TO ME! BE OBEDIENT!" When you step outside of God's will, He will surely let you know. Things will NOT work out for you.

No. It is not the right time or season to do this. I should be proud of being a stay at home mommy for the short time that they need me., instead of trying to play multiple roles. Pretty soon, they won't need me to help them open things, put their clothes on, or sing them to sleep. They won't be as dependant on me as they are now. They need me more than they ever will now. And I must first do the job that God initially created me for - to be a Mommy. I know in my heart that God has called me to teach and coach....being patient and waiting for that right timing is key though. Me, being the person who wants it right here and right now, struggles with that. Yet, I keep hearing God tell me, "you will get your teams...you will have your time to play that role....just not yet."

Even still, there is great peace in being obedient to God, being patient, and putting the control back in His hands, even if you are a control freak, Type A, freaker-outer like I am. All of a sudden, you can breathe again. A huge weight is lifted off of you, and you can see the important things in life again. I need to focus my attention on my children, on God, and my husband. I need to learn how to not be so consumed by things before I take on other roles in life.

2 Corinthians 7:15 - And his affection for you is all the greater when he remembers that you were all obedient, receiving him with fear and trembling.

Bringing over some of my best blogs

2008-10-31T05:37:00.000-05:00

I will be reposting some of the best blogs that I had originally created on Myspace onto this blogroll.